Letter to my younger self

LOU ~

It’s going to be a ride, so buckle up! Everything will change when you turn fifteen

Your body, your friends, your mind, your childhood will stop and you’ll become an adult overnight,

You are going to have real highs and real lows, it gets easier and joyous and beautiful.

You think you've grown up fast now and you're such an adult. Though, you'll find, your best quality is your playfulness. In the midst of a global pandemic you'll write so much poetry that your hands dance across your notebook like twinkling flames in a 1950s romance, you'll learn to hula hoop, hold space at women's circles and practice yoga, all seems very witchy, and mystical to you now. You'll embrace your natural silliness, curiosity and dreamlike qualities! They serve you well in the nomadic life you embark on, you've always been a little hippy at heart. You’re going to dance in the rain at a yoga retreat in Bali, watching palm trees sway majestically, as the Ocean beckons ucontrollably, and the wildlife, untameable, calls out to you in your wildness.

The bullying stops and it gets easier thanks to your resilience, you don’t move school for the sixth time to outrun them and you graduate from University,

You come out and your understanding, good to the core sister and Irish-tradition-rooted dad don’t mind one bit, or bat an eyelid rather..

You will use your sensitivity as your superpower, as a natural empath you’ll want to heal all the troubled souls you meet. Instead, you’ll hone your superpower, perfect it, grow with it and use it to only do good, by working on women empowerment projects at home and across the world.

Some days you won’t eat or move out of bed, cocooned in a slumbersome friend called sadness,

Some other days, you’ll eat three, 1 quid Galaxy supersize bars, still from said bed.

But, some very bright days, you’ll launch your own podcast and sit with your treasured friends in dimly lit coffee shops for hours on end, with the buzz that only coffee shop coffee, adrenaline and pure platonic love brings. You’ll be inspired!

You’ll go on a first date to a grave (Slyivia Plath - whose words will hold you when another body can’t)

You are going to sing to Muna’s ‘It’s Going To Be Okay Baby’ at their live concert in the midst of the most difficult, elusive, cumbersome era of your life,

You are going to interview Maggie Rogers and fall helplessly in love with her words, persona and how this resonates,

You’re going to live in Cambodia and ride your bike around (I know you can’t ride one now but your beloved Auntie Stelly Star will teach you and your first bicycle journey will be across L.A. with the Irish friends that take you in and make you home.. as you cycle pscyhedcelcally,w tih bubbles appearing, feathers flaling, sun greeting magic.. so don't worry, you will learn everything you wish to, that you don't yet know!)

and you'll have a little brother in the form of your Cambodian counterpart,

You are going to fall completely in love with your best friend, it won’t work, because he’s gay and you’re gonna be cool with it.

You’re going to travel the world; to places, situations, experiences you could only dream up in your wildest dreams,

People are going to poke fun at your dreams, your curiosity, your passion for words and how often, and how quick you speak (you’ll learn to not care, but it’ll still always sting somewhat).

You’ll go on a road trip to Miami with your auntie and sit across from her in her favorite diner where she too sat at age 21 and wish she was your mum,

fantasising about how your life would be if she had raised you,

You’re going to seek help for your traumatic childhood.

You’re going to get to take your big sister on the holiday you always wished you could take her on.

She’ll finally let you go out with her and her best friends, but it won’t be half as much fun as you imagine it will be now!

You’re going dance to Fleetwood Mac until 4am in a dingy Mancunian club with your best friend,

You’re going to cry, dance and squeal with pride as you join the World Pride Madrid Pride parade with 2,000,000 other queer people,

Your first love is going to have a baby (yes, a real life baby!!!) whilst you’re still birthing poetry, but you’re going to find peace with it,

You’re going to learn your body is your greatest friend, not an enemy.

You’ll learn to love it, to sit with it, learn what it needs, feed and nurture it more than you ever have.

You’re going to make the link between body, mind and soul and it’ll feel like you hit the jackpot: gold, and sparkley! As your eyes often are..

You’ll lose all hope and want to give up on writing full stop,

As for advice, just be ready, expect the unexpected,

Find where you feel alive and who with, the moments where you feel magic in your bones and life creeps into your eyes, not allowing you to stop glowing and bursting with passion, hold onto these moments, embrace them.

Get to know yourself, what you like and what you don't, be alone.

You’re going to meet lovers with kindred souls to yours, who will see huge beauty and power inside you,

Always be the kindest that you can to everyone you meet.

And for gods sake, love every facet of yourself, see it, hold it to the magnifying glass.. dance in front of all the mirrors, laugh at yourself.

Fall in love and live with strangers who you once knew,

ghosts in different shells, who will be your greatest teachers,

You’re going to have a career as a writer and dancer.

And you’re going to launch Sisterhood of The Rose.

Live as you dream, and do as you dream, and be as you dream.

Your ability to dream in a new world is what sets you free!

Love and light,

Lou x

(the older, wiser, kinder, sillier, free-er, bolder,

louder, stronger Lou! You made it, love!)